Post by Carleigh Maruko on Jul 2, 2011 18:48:46 GMT -5
Gah fuck me, this is a starting few paragraphs for my book that I am writing ever so slowly....Just wanted some crit on it :)...
Chapter One
Unforgiving Actions
Unforgiving Actions
Katrina lied. She had lied to me. Her sister. I’m the only person in the world that loves her. Why would she lie to me? I stormed out of the empty house. I slammed the door shut and walked out of the drive way. I kept my head low and my mustard coloured eyes were on my feet. I walked into the forest. I kept walking, but quickened my pace. I soon found my way to the middle of the forest. My pace quickened into a run. I leaped over logs and I pushed my way through the ferns. Stop, Lecquinia. You don’t have to do this! A voice shouted in my head.
No. I have to Matt. It’s the only way. I blocked Matthew out of my mind. I quickened my pace again. My feet soon turned into large pale golden coloured paws. My hands too became the same colour as my feet. They too turned into large paws. A large plump tail grew out of my backside. My long legs, soon covered in fur became lean. My body became furry and long. My ears moved to the top of my head, my eyes grew sharper and I no longer saw colour. My wet and pink nose poked out into a muzzle. I stopped running on two legs, I crouched down and started running on all fours. I stopped, abruptly at the end of the forest. The moon was full and it glowed brightly. I heard other paws bounding on the ground. Soon came a light brown timber wolf. His bright green eyes flickered in amusement. “Matthew,” I said firmly. It sounded like a growl, but I didn’t mean it. He shocked his head and laughed. “Lecquinia, don’t humor me,” He smiled. I growled. This time I meant it. He stepped back. “Luc, I didn’t mean it like that,” He said softly. I laughed, but it didn’t sound friendly. Good, I thought. I stepped forward. Matthew sat down, his lean tail flicking in amusement. “Matthew, I have to do it! She lied to me! She betrayed us, Matthew! Don’t you care?” I yelled. My ears flatted. He knew this was serious, why didn’t he act like it? He looked me in my mustard yellow eyes. I flinched. He laughed, “Luc, I know this is serious, but you don’t have to do it now!” He said more firmly, all the happiness faded away, and was taken by seriousness and force. I flinched again. “I know Matthew. But she lied,” I whispered, tears falling down my soft pale creamy golden fur. As I said this, my human body took the place of the large, pale creamy golden wolf. The only thing that told whoever was watching, that I was that wolf was my mustard coloured eyes. They normally show no emotion, but this time they did. They showed sadness and emptiness. My light brown coloured hair fell around my face. I flicked it away with my small delicate, pale hand. I wiped my tears away as well. Matthew smiled and turned back into his human form. He was tall and lean like his wolf, his hair, also like the wolf, was a timber coloured brown. His bright green eyes flickered with no emotion. He took me into his arms. His warm brown tanned skin pressed against my cold pale skin gave me a sense of security. He smiled and pressed his warm peachy coloured lips against my forehead. I smiled. We will deal with Katrina tomorrow, He sent to me. I nodded. My mind was swarming with guilt. How could I be so slow? How could I not see the signs? Was I really that stupid? “You know Matthew-” he had cut me off. He started blankly at me as he said, “Matt, please. I don’t like being called Matthew. I thought you knew that,” He said firmly. I nodded my head in agreement. “Sorry. Matt, you know we can speak normally too,” I smiled. It has been a long time since I last smiled. 4 years in fact. Last time I had smiled, my mother and father had been around. I was 12, when they had died. They were killed by the Enfury, the good wolves gone bad. My sister Katrina had betrayed me and the rest of the Géviour and had joined the Enfury. This happened last night. Once you turn 15 the Enfury lets you join their dreaded force. 500 years, that’s how long this war has been going on for. Matthew looked at me. “You’re thinking of your parents,” He said sympathetically.
I nodded, and then added, “And Katrina and the Great War.” Matthew nodded. He was deep in thought again. He still held me. I wrapped my arms around him. He held me closer. I smiled. A twig snapped. I jumped and held on tighter to Matthew. A jet black wolf appeared. He laughed as he walked up to us. He transformed into a lean and tall man. He was as tall as Matthew. He had sweeping jet black hair. His eyes were the same colour as Matthew’s. Anyone could tell that the two young men were related. Matthew nodded to his brother. I smiled and lent go of Matthew. I threw my arms around his brother. He laughed, “I see you too were getting close,” He said looking at Matthew. His eyes showed anger. I shrugged the feeling in the pit of my stomach off. Matthew laughed, “Maybe, Jet, but I won’t interfered with you two,” He smiled at me. My heartbeat grew faster. Jet looked down at me, “So I’m guessing you have heard about your sister,” He said more seriously.
I nodded. “What are you going to do about her?” He asked me. I looked up at him.
Matthew answered for me, “Well worry about her tomorrow,” He said gathering up his shirt. He put it on over his head. The white shirt had rips and tears in it. He looked around and ran off, , Luc don’t worry, I’ll be back, he sent to me. Okay I sent back feeling more relieved. Jet looked down at me; I sprang to my tippy-toes. I felt his warm breath on my neck. He turned his head to face mine. He pressed his soft lips onto mine, I smiled. He lifted me up.; my toes just centimeters away from the dull green grass. An owl hooted in the distance. We kept kissing. My head was spinning. The moon hid behind a large cloud, making the shadows leap over us. The moon gave us privacy, now no one was watching. Or were they?....
So.. What do ya think???
